Decent Dudes, Graceful Girls.
From: Practical Medley @ MTC 3, April 2014.
In our day, there is so much casualness and familiarity that
we can easily forget values that make for good human relationships. Here are a
few that might help us to be better persons as well as live better with
others....
Appreciate: Those all-time important words ‘thank you’ are
indeed very important particularly if meant and well used. Cultivate an
attitude of gratitude. Thank the cashier at the supermarket till who serves you, the assistant who packs your
shopping, the M-Pesa agent who attends to you, the conductor who gives you
change, the passenger who lets you pass, the friend who calls you or that other
person who....
Compliment: Appreciate positive traits in others in the right
way. Over doing it is unhelpful, not doing it is mean. Learn to compliment in a
simple, meaningful way. Detailed explanations in the name of compliments are a
No No. But a simple appreciation of another’s piece of dressing is right. Be
careful with cross-gender compliments as can be easily misunderstood to mean
flirting. Know your limits. It is better to be quiet and clear than to
compliment her short skirt and end up in a lot of trouble. Whereas it is good
to see good things in others asking prices/availability is considered unwelcome
in most circumstances
Smile: Nothing invites warmth of inter-personal relationships
better than a good, well meaning smile. Culturally this might be something to
learn as most of us do not grow up in smiling environments. A smile is an
expression of joy within, not necessarily circumstances without. The good thing
with a smile is when you give one; you normally get one in return [holding all
factors constant]. Nevertheless, smile away. It calms anxious nerves, settles
many arguments, says you value the other person and invites friendship.
Scrub Up: Be a clean, neat and organised person. For some this
comes naturally but for others [unbelievable as it sounds] it is a struggle/discipline.
Besides the daily [twice a day?] shower, shave/remove all unwanted body
hair. Have good well maintained shoes.
Please please take care of your feet. Smelly feet are uncomfortable things
after dumpsites. The reason your feet smell is simple: Fungi or bacteria
finding a warm place to thrive. The solution is equally simple – warm water and
salt every evening, a good clean towel. Wash thoroughly and dry properly. It
will also help a great deal if you have a spare set of shoes so that one pair
rests while the other one is on the road. Socks must also be changed daily.
Nothing is more embarrassing than having to remove shoes [as is the case in
most houses] only for people to choke under your spell. Long nails are a NO NO
for men as are unattended long nails for girls.
Dress Well: Be sure to dress smart in clean decent clothes. No
need to be expensive or flashy. Simple is fine – within your reach. Let them be
neat, well pressed. Match your colours well so that we don’t have yellow trousers,
pink shirts/tops and a blue jacket unless it is a themed event like a colour –clashing
bash that you are going to. For gents, old fashioned as it sounds, have a wrist
watch. It complements your gentleman look. For ladies, have that purse, clutch
or handbag. It is difficult to talk about accessories and remain authoritative
but I say keep it simple. Body piercings are still culturally off limits with
the possible exception of earrings for girls. I would say tattoos are equally off
limits IMHO.
Smell Nice: Nothing endears/repels people more than smell. The
sense of smell is probably the strongest and apparently it even has a memory of
its own. Whatever you do, manage your sweat. We all sweat and we all have a
unique odour – some are stronger [way stronger] than others. The difference is
how we manage it. Have some deodorant/roll on. Be careful with strong perfumes
that may affect others. If you must, wear the right perfume for the right occasion.
Oral Health: Brush after every meal, for at least 2 minutes
with a good brush. The dentist ordered a 45 degree angle between your teeth and
the brush. Visit a dentist at least once a year [twice is recommended]. Floss –
this is removing particles between teeth that your brush can’t remove. Be
particularly careful with the tongue and give it a good scrub to get rid of
bacteria. A mouthwash helps in eliminating bad odours and this can be done
using a commercial product like Listerine or just a simple homemade solution of
salt and water.
Conversation: Learn to engage people appropriately. Look at
people in the eye but do not stare or gaze at them. Eye contact can be both
threatening [who is the top dog here?]
or endearing [I really honour and respect
you, I am paying attention]. Please make sense in your conversation and aim
for clarity rather than sophistication. The biggest part of conversation is
probably learning to listen – even to things that you perhaps know better. Use
suggestive rather than judgemental words. You might say – I wonder if, rather than I
know or perhaps rather than, obviously or I think rather than I believe.
The last one is especially helpful in faith discussions or bible study. Faith positions are understood to be
final and can be conversation killers. Be careful with sensitive/touchy
subjects like age, ethnic stereotypes, politics and religious/denominational/theological
leanings.
Feed your Mind: Get off that social media and get a life. Read
a good book. Read newspaper articles. Two old comments from my days in
education classes; education is the transition from an empty mind to an open
mind, to be educated is not learning everything about something, but something
about everything. Well, while you may not entirely agree with those statements,
read widely. Read and know your Bible. Read Christian Books. Read fiction, oh
yes, there is great value in appreciating art and creativity of others. Go
beyond comprehension -analyse characters in books and movies. Go to the theatre
to watch a production. Read newspapers. Subscribe to some journals. Follow
blogs. Download talks on various subjects and interact with content. This will
enrich your mind and broaden your perspective in life.
Reflect: Put down your thoughts in a journal/scrapbook. We best
understand what we write and humanity has known that since antiquity. There are
no two ways about it – you have to write. Write odd poems, random thoughts,
creative ideas, business plans, family trees, future plans. Write your sermons,
bible study notes, anything. If you write for the consumption of others, blog. Put
it out there. It does not have to be refined but write. Write to the editors.
Write about your town, your area, your people. Social media maybe a good place
but care needs to be taken so that it does not become a running commentary on
your life. Too much of facebook/twitter may make one come across as idle or
attention seeker. Your thoughts in private need to be kept as such.
